So this has been a harder summer as far as summers go.  I suppose it’s because I was expecting the expected, and instead the unexpected happened.   The brilliant days have been clouded with loss – a broken engagement, plans for kids leaving home.  I read somewhere about a woman whose  ‘womb was singing, it was evening, the baby was bathed and settled, and all was well in her house’.  I’ve known that feeling too, I suspect it’s kind of universal among moms.   And the longing for it doesn’t end, even when the babies have long left the womb or home.   Wanting things to be right and well for our children is the unending essence of motherhood.

So is letting go.  From watching beloved little legs walk away alone for the first time to kindergarten, to watching with mixed pride and tears as they pack belongings to begin their lives away, oh my tethered heart.  Their joy is my joy, their pain is my pain, their gain or loss mine also.   I have a friend with good intentions who likes to suggest this is co-dependence.  I think rather though, this is attachment and parental love, perhaps at it’s most essential.

You really never expect the paths you’ll walk along with your children.   Or the depth of what you may feel for them.  I doubt the desire to comfort them ever fades.  When they’re threatened with pain or loss,  something unexpectedly primal, fiercely protective and ready to die or kill on their behalf takes over.   I’ve known it many times over.

Being a mom is an exquisite journey.  They warn you at the beginning you may lose yourself on it, and you might.  But you may also find yourself.  And enroute, discover yourself stronger, wiser and more resilient than you ever imagined.  Because there is magnificent reason to be so.

I have five magnificent reasons.  I am one lucky mother.

13 thoughts on “Summer…

  1. I’m sorry it’s been a rough season. I honor your Mother’s Heart, knowing that while the practical mothering may cease, being a mother never ends. I hope you feel settled soon, and that you are able to grieve well.



  2. I’m sending you positive energy through the Internet so that maybe you’re summer will take a turn for the better. This post makes me want to go hug my mom. I always forget that when she’s going through things that she needs help too. I still think of her as Superwoman. You’re kids are extremely lucky.

  3. There is a lot of this I know nothing about, having never had children. But it seems to me what people overlook about children leaving home is that in addition to being a responsibility, children are also their parents’ companions. You get up in the morning and they are there. You come home in the evening and they are there too–mostly. And you want these people who have been a wonderful joy in your life and terrific playmates and conversation partners to be okay even without you there to protect them. That is part of the fear. But it is also a huge change in what your daily life is like. It’s like having a spouse suddenly move away. Wouldn’t you miss them and worry about them if you didn’t see them on a regular basis? Of course you would.

      1. It seems weird to me, because it always seems like what is left out of the conversation about adult children leaving home is that these are just people you are used to having around, and usually they are pretty good fun even if they make you worry and cause a lot of trouble.

    1. 18 days – oh, I’m feeling along with you too… My youngest son leaves Aug. 28th for 6 months on an exchange program in France. I keep reminding myself that his gain will be well worth my missing him. But the change is still hard. You’re not alone. Hugs.

  4. Aw! Transitions like this are so bittersweet. You are excited for them, and yet you are already in a little mourning period because they’ll be gone. That sounds pretty normal to me.

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