A Great Perhaps…

It’s an odd sort of day, today.  After 21 years of driving my kids to school, today instead I’m driving myself.  My 5 kids are finished school and I’m beginning.  I have a studio art class this afternoon and an art history and beginner French later this week  I’m both excited and weirded out.

Change always feels so uncomfortable at first, doesn’t it.   Like new clothes you were happy to buy, but not so much to wear.   I actually have a couple pairs of never worn coloured denims, bought in the spring, still tagged, waiting in my drawer.  They just don’t feel like old faves yet, and make me notice myself too much.  Maybe that’s what it is about change, it makes us notice ourselves too much…

Yesterday a friend and I loosely talked about our upcoming fall plans over lunch.  I say ‘loosely’ because I’m almost a little afraid to believe in new things, in plans.  And yet here one has arrived in spite of.  A new ‘great perhaps’ stretching in front of me in all it’s splendor and terror.

My oldest son is in Thailand right now seeking his great perhaps after a messy breakup.  My youngest son is seeking his great perhaps on a 6 month exchange program in France.  A friend is seeking his great perhaps beginning a new alternative ‘un’ church after being burned by the normal church, [though I think ‘church and normal’ may be an oxymoron].  And today I’m seeking mine also.

Our great perhaps-es push us from the known into the unknown.  I woke up this morning wanting to scramble back into my old familiar life, wondering what ever made me think this was a good idea.  But every great exploration, every great discovery of our world and ourselves, was made in the uncertain and glorious pursuit of the great perhaps.

Kind of thrilling, isn’t it…

a great perhaps

3 thoughts on “A Great Perhaps…

  1. You always have a great way of expressing things. I love the new clothes analogy. I feel just that way about change. I’m so excited by the idea of change, the planning for change, the hope and joy of change. But full of fear and doubt and anxiety when it comes time to put the changes to action. Buyer’s remourse!

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